http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FNEiTjcMM0
My life has been a bit like a soap opera this past little while and I’m getting a little bit sick of it. Let me regale you with my story, if you can be bothered to read it. Like all good stories it focuses on the opposite gender;
A while back i started blogging because of a boy. I know that is really horribly cliched but there you have it, the first post probably makes a bit more sense when i said I deleted all my oestrogen ridden ramblings. The story goes that this was one of the few boys I had really really liked in a long time, I always thought about him and wanted to be with him and only him (and that doesnt happen a lot for me). Then one day after 6months of being his non-girlfriend he ignores me for ages then dumps me by text. I later find out he has been cheating on me, and low and behold the girl got pregnant and is now around 17 weeks gone. This all happened in januarry/february and I’m actually over it. I was single for a while, and I didn’t want anything to do with any boy because my previous non relationship with Matt-The-Twat just brought up my anxiety levels to an all time high, and made me stressed to fuck.
Then I met Daniel.
To begin with I actually didnt give much of a flying frig about this boy. Sounds horrible I know. He was in fact the one who chased me down, got my number, texted and facebooked me every day for ages and asked to see me every weekend for about a month. The 3rd weekend in we got smashed at a house party and the fragments of memory from that night are basically us being attached to each others faces violently as hell in a hallway, and leaping apart when someone came along. It all seems cartoonish looking back on it. Slap stick humour to the max. So I’ve been seeing him for a while, and the only reason we arent official is because he might go to jail (Yes I’m aware how horrible that sounds, and I’m sure I sound desperate when I say ‘oh but he’s a nice guy he just made some bad choices’ when actually he is a good guy, just got caught with a shit load of weed, even though he doesn’t smoke the stuff. Bravo wonder boy). Also I’ve left our dear city and long distance relationships aren’t exactly a go area for us really either. But thats not why I’m blogging about him. Aside from this being epic material for a ridiculously over dramatised novel, I have a problem that is starting to cause my anxiety to rear its ugly head again.
Her name is Louise.
She is Daniel’s ex, and has so far tried to make my life a living hell by bitching about me saying I’m no good enough, and that he needs to dump me. Needless to say he has defended me, but he wont leave her alone regardless of all the shit she is spouting. Problematic, yes indeedy. But in actual fact its not just Lou, its all the girls. Now that I’ve finally started to really love what he and I have, I am terrified that some girl is going to come along and take it from me. WHY? Daniel has given no indication that he is about to ditch me, in fact quite the opposite. Yet here I am panicking that someone is going to happen to come into his life, and I’m going to lose him. Im sure there is some theory to do with my real dad abandoning me and my family at an early age, and my parents abandoning me in boarding school from 8yrs old onwards, but i cant be arsed to go into that crap.
The point is I’m anxious as shit about this, and the subtext of this post implys i’m a drippy princess who can’t live without men, which i fucking HATE. That is not who I am, or who I want to be. I shouldn’t be anxious, he’s just one person why am I so worried?? I’ve lost guys before, and will probably lose many more, why does it matter so much? I blame Disney. Beautiful wonderful Disney telling me I need a prince to be fulfilled. I need to refocus, spend some time away from the boy. Not to make him think I don’t like him, but so I can snap him back into perspective again, and stop me from going into crazy mode. It’s gonna be shit because I have no idea how to talk myself off the proverbial ledge on this jealousy issue….well technically its not jealousy, its fear. I need to show myself I can survive without him, and so if i lose him it wont be the end of the world, just another chapter.
Ok enough hormonal crap for one night.
– T.J
The Secret Life Of A TescoJunkie 